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Emotional rollercaster

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MAT Support Admin Staff posted 6 months ago

Hello Evette…
I’m not even sure where to begin. Since 2012 my life slowly started to decline for the worst. I’m gonna start from the beginning and hopefully you can help me. Both my Parents had terrible first marriages, especially my Mums as hers was full of Violence. She had 3 children. I was only close to one of them until he died of Cancer in 2008. The other 2 blame me for lots of stuff but mostly cause I had a good up bringing and no violence. Mums eldest was 21 when I was born. My dad had no other children apart from me. I was born in 1973. Mum and dad married when I was 4yrs old 🙂 I was extremely close to my parents right up until the day they died. Through school I was bullied a lot from about yr2 right up until yr 8 in high school. I was always a chubby kid. Dad was a building Engineer so we moved around every 3 years with dads job. I was always very timid and fragile and always had trouble making friends. I guess I stood out with my non confidence and non courageous presence and was eaten alive. (figure of speech) Dad retired and we moved to the country and my whole life changed for the better! The kids were nicer, I made heaps of Friends and dropped all my weight. About 6 years later we moved to a larger city. And from there I met one bad man after another. All relationships failed! I met a man in August 2001. Had a baby to him in 2003. Married in 2004. ADVO’s in 2006, then 2008. He was a true Narcissist! We separated in 2008 but I went back for my sons sake. (big big mistake) Was the worst years ever! I have no idea what its really like to be truley loved apart from my parents. I cant even explain to you my 12 yr marriage of hell.

I watched mum suffer with looey bodies Dementia right up until 28th August 2013. she died from pneumonia that developed that morning. She didn’t even have a cold the day before. She had, had enough, she gave up. The hardest time in my life saying goodbye. I held her hand whilst she died. Dad deteriorated badly after that. His sicknesses got worse. He died in my arms 9th March 2014. I had emergency surgery with a massive infection and blockage in my gallbladder 3 months before he died. I developed pneumonia not long after he died and was off work for 7 weeks. I had a miscarriage at work in Jan 2015, had complications. Went in for emergency surgery, had a c section cut cause they couldn’t do key hole surgery. They thought I had twins and one didn’t come out. But they were wrong. I developed pneumonia again after coming home from hospital with more time off work. I left my husband 19th Dec 2015. The last 5 years were hell with him whilst all my crap was going on. I thought things would get easier once I left, but no! Hes been the Devil to deal with! Lots of mind games and manipulation went on and is still going on, especially with my son. Hes trying extremely hard to turn him against me. Tim told me when I left him that I came into the relationship with nothing, I gave nothing and I should have let with nothing. And he said he will sit back and watch me slowly loose everything even my son. My son had a massive meltdown in July this year and wanted to die as he just couldn’t deal with it all. His father screwed his head up big time. But he weaved his way back in his life. Every time my son comes back to me from being with his dad, he is a mini version of his dad and we argue and he’s just yuck! no other words to describe it. Its like being married to his father again. But after about 3 days, it settles down. I haven’t had my son at school since July from anxiety problems. An extremely hard time!! My anxiety and emotional problems have also gone through the roof this year. 2 weeks ago I broke out on hands and feet with burn like symptoms. They looked like I had placed them on a hot plate. I know it was emotions. My doctor said it was something I touched but for one I hadn’t bought anything new and why would it be on my feet. I have lots of financial stresses. I’m putting on more weight. I’m at that time in my life, I look forward to coming home from work and locking myself away in my home. Apart from going to work, I don’t socialize anymore because I don’t have nice clothes and feel uncomfortable in public. I have a couple of good friends but that’s it. I have no more family left apart from my son. I get so lonely sometimes. My ex has found a lovely person that has been a big support to him (poor girl) and I’m the one that looses big time through loss and property settlement and he gets to be happy. Its so not fair! Why should he get to be happy when hes the destroyer!!

My parents had a lot of sicknesses starting a good 20yrs before they died. Mum had bowel cancer and all removed in the mid 1990’s. She had all sorts of lung and heart issues. Both of them had heart bypasses. There’s a long list. Dads sicknesses was asbestos spots on his lung from his early building days. Lung and heart problems. So they had a really tough journey. When mum was pregnant with me she was in hospital for half of her pregnancy due to high blood pressure, swelling of feet and hands. I was 6 weeks early and was in a crib for 5 weeks. I was 4 pound born. I fitted in my dads whole hand. I’m trying so hard to keep above water but everyday there’s always something going wrong!! I’m tired, I’m exhausted and I’ve had enough! I’m one of the kindest people you’ll meet and would do anything for anyone so why am I coping so much shit from life? I get life can be hard but seriously, my life is ridiculous! Both my parents had not nice up bringing and as well my mums mum had a very violent marriage and she died at an early age of 52. So there’s obviously so much negativity I’ve inherited. I am not well at the moment. I’m having a 3rd lot of bloods done as I have a very high Cell count. Apparently it should be 13,000 but mines 17,000. I’ve just had bloods done today for Cancer and other illnesses. I’m hoping its just a big infection or virus somewhere in my body and not that C word. I just need to get off this roller coaster!! I’m really sorry for my bible message but I tried to tell you as much as I could. Hopping you can help.

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